CLEVELAND - Starting with the unrest this summer, public relations pressure has mounted for politicians and corporations to make largely symbolic gestures addressing racism. Statues have been removed, streets painted, and state flags edited. Aunt Jemima's syrup, Uncle Ben's rice, and the Washington Football Team have all joined the fight to appear like they're doing something. Now, as of earlier this morning, the Cleveland Indians Major League Baseball team has entered the fray. Sort of.

While not an actual slur, the team's name is a misnomer for Native Americans popularized by evil colonialists who had little geographic sense. Fans, spectators and snowflakes everywhere have been clamoring for the organization to choose a new name and drop its racist caricature of a mascot. Shuddering at the expense and paperwork necessary for a renaming, the board has opted to address just the latter request.

In a statement to the press, owner and CEO Paul Dolan said, "We at the Cleveland Indians believe in ending up on the right side of history -- and in setting history right. For too long, we have ignored the fact that Native Americans are not from India. This ignorance has been the root cause of so much harm. But no longer! We are proud to announce the new, historically and geographically accurate mascot for the Cleveland Indians! Go Wahoos!"

The new logo, deemed too offensive for these pages, has been quickly denounced and decried as "Racist," "Shockingly bad," and "I didn't think it could get worse!"

Reached for comment, Sanjay Balabramian stated: "What are you asking me for? I'm from Brooklyn!"