"Pack your crap, Fil. I'm not kidding."

"Eve, you're making a big deal out of nothing."

Eve passed around the kitchen, gathering Fil's various contributions to their kitchenware -- his favorite mug, the crappy silverware, the quesadilla maker, the wooden spoon with the slightly smaller handle -- and stacking them very neatly on the table where Fil sat, still unconvinced.

"Mountains out of mole hills."

"We're done Fil."

"Mountains," he emphasized, gesturing at the growing tower of boxes of hot chocolate mix in front of him. "Mountains."

"Three months, Fil! Three months! How did you buy this much hot chocolate mix in three months?"

Fil shrugged.

"Don't answer that! What I want to know, what I want to know is how you kept this from me for three months! Three!"

Fil shrugged again. "It's not like I've been hiding from you. It's not even a big deal."

The neat stacks on the table grew taller and taller. Eve had moved on to the tupperware.

"We've lived together for three months and I haven't seen you brush your teeth until today and you haven't been hiding it from me? Really?"

Fil peered around the hot chocolate mix tower and twisted his face into its most adorable, forgivable and innocent configuration.

"That's not going to work. You're a freak, Fil. Normal people don't brush their teeth with toothpaste crust! It's wrong!"

"I like the texture. You're being dramatic."

"Oh. Here we go again."

"Plenty of other people brush with dried toothpaste. It's less wasteful. You're making a whole thing of it. Please just relax, babe."

Eve did not relax. She began hurling unmatched tupperware lids in Fil's direction. "Don't call me babe, freak! Get out! Go use your crusty toothpaste somewhere else!"

The hot chocolate mix boxes tumbled over, spilling Swiss Miss packets all over Fil's lap. A lid caught him in the eye. He started to sense that Eve wasn't kidding. He also started to cry.

"Eve, I'm sorry. I'll try to use the wet stuff. I promise I'll try."

Eve kept throwing the lids, but seemed to be easing up a little bit, adding a bit more arc. "Promise?"

"Yes. I'll use the wet stuff Eve. I promise."

"Okay. But don't call it that. And don't talk to me for, like, a few hours." Eve headed out for a walk.

Fil, meanwhile, headed to the bathroom. He looked longingly at the crust around the top of the toothpaste tube, but shook his head. Instead, he squeezed out the wet stuff -- no, not the wet stuff -- the toothpaste, and brushed his teeth like a normal, regular person. He kind of liked it.

Sighing, he said, "The things I do for love."