WASHINGTON, D.C. — In sharp contrast to its sluggishness over the past decade, a sharply divided Congress momentarily set aside its differences and moved the new climate-and-abortion bill from committee to Biden's desk in just four days. Biden is expected to sign the bill into law early tomorrow morning.

The bill, which overrides the Supreme Court's pro-abortion ruling in Roe v. Wade, while offering an exception to certain climate-conscious, electric vehicle-owning mothers, is seen as an exciting win for both parties. For years, the religious right has sought to protect the lives of the innocent unborn and also curtail the rights of women. Meanwhile, enterprising Democrats have recently been maneuvering to profit from growing calls to save our warming planet from impending doom. The bill, known as America's Moral Compromise Act or AMCA, neatly solves both of these strategic objectives.

"Look, we'll concede that abortion is murder, which, in a lot of cases, to a lot of people, specifically, to a lot of my constituents, is morally wrong, murder that is, is wrong" Senator Amy Klobuchar (D., MINN) explained. "But, on the other hand, driving an electric vehicle is morally good. Two wrongs and all that, as they say."

AMCA passed 378 to 48 in the House of Representatives. Of those opposed, most were moderates in either party who were upset that they could no longer campaign on being the only ones willing to compromise. Those not present during the vote were reportedly out buying electric vehicles for their mistresses. In the Senate, it passed with a shocking 99 yeas. The lone dissenter, Senator Joe Manchin (D?, W.Va.), cited his undying support for women in the coal industry.

In an press conference with Senator Mitch McConnell (R. Ky), when asked how the legislation had been able to move so quickly through Congress, he said, "Well, with Robinhood, it's never been easier to buy and sell stocks, straight from your smartphone. For example, I was able to buy 2,000 shares of Tesla in just 10 minutes yesterday."

In a joint statement, Planned Parenthood, Greenpeace and the Catholic Church said, "At least it's something, we guess."

At press time, rumors began to spread of singer BØRNS (of "Electric Love" fame) appearing at Biden's signing tomorrow.